stuck in the middle with you
or, "the shape-shift of a family"
i'm well into the second half of a two week visit to the greater memphis area. and being my scorpio-moon-secretive self, i've all but dropped off the face of the earth to anyone and everyone since my arrival here because, well, it's quite draining to be with family so much, especially with all the dynamic shifts, the cause of which i do not care to disclose here. it's easier to sleep, watch tv, or accompany my mother to the Super WalMart than to keep up on anything that is inherantly "cassie." (which brings on a whole other slew of questions: who am i? what am i? blah blah blah...)
life right now consists of sleeping in until i wake up from the phone ringing, thunder outside, mom coming in to get on the computer, or dad taking a shower, sometimes as late as 10 am. except for yesterday; i slept until noon on account of a nasty hang over caused by a Hurricane from Pat O'Brian's on Beale Street. dad and i had another infamous get-sloppy-and-emotional escapade.
i don't play my guitar here at all because it, along with the hard case i borrowed from cyndi, got bent about 30 degrees off, subsequently cracked, and some would say "fucked." and in case anyone is wondering, the contract of liability i apparantly agreed to by buying the plane ticket does not cover the cost of musical instruments.
i've all but finished all the books i brought with me; reading has been my one sure escape, other than checking my email about five times a day.
and every day, i watch fear factor with my 14 year old sister.
no, it's not so bad here... it's just that i feel a bit like a caged animal. i haven't spent so much time inside of a building for some years. the mosquitoes, humidity, and poison ivy are enough to keep me in... but the air conditioning keeps me going out continuously to warm back up.
how's that for a bitching session?
it's actually been nice for me to have two weeks outside of "real life" to take stock, and get myself collected for the next phase of life, whatever that means. and i'm trying not to take any of this for granted... because with the rising costs and eventual shortages of transportation compounded with the fractal explosion of this particular family unit, it may never be like this again. plus, how many chances will i get to know my sister with a mouth full of metal, obsessed with "smelly things" and color coordination, covered in make up, but still willing to wrestle on the floor with her little brother? and, this is the last time i will see my brother with him shorter than me. (he's 5-6 now! and only 12!)
i'm well into the second half of a two week visit to the greater memphis area. and being my scorpio-moon-secretive self, i've all but dropped off the face of the earth to anyone and everyone since my arrival here because, well, it's quite draining to be with family so much, especially with all the dynamic shifts, the cause of which i do not care to disclose here. it's easier to sleep, watch tv, or accompany my mother to the Super WalMart than to keep up on anything that is inherantly "cassie." (which brings on a whole other slew of questions: who am i? what am i? blah blah blah...)
life right now consists of sleeping in until i wake up from the phone ringing, thunder outside, mom coming in to get on the computer, or dad taking a shower, sometimes as late as 10 am. except for yesterday; i slept until noon on account of a nasty hang over caused by a Hurricane from Pat O'Brian's on Beale Street. dad and i had another infamous get-sloppy-and-emotional escapade.
i don't play my guitar here at all because it, along with the hard case i borrowed from cyndi, got bent about 30 degrees off, subsequently cracked, and some would say "fucked." and in case anyone is wondering, the contract of liability i apparantly agreed to by buying the plane ticket does not cover the cost of musical instruments.
i've all but finished all the books i brought with me; reading has been my one sure escape, other than checking my email about five times a day.
and every day, i watch fear factor with my 14 year old sister.
no, it's not so bad here... it's just that i feel a bit like a caged animal. i haven't spent so much time inside of a building for some years. the mosquitoes, humidity, and poison ivy are enough to keep me in... but the air conditioning keeps me going out continuously to warm back up.
how's that for a bitching session?
it's actually been nice for me to have two weeks outside of "real life" to take stock, and get myself collected for the next phase of life, whatever that means. and i'm trying not to take any of this for granted... because with the rising costs and eventual shortages of transportation compounded with the fractal explosion of this particular family unit, it may never be like this again. plus, how many chances will i get to know my sister with a mouth full of metal, obsessed with "smelly things" and color coordination, covered in make up, but still willing to wrestle on the floor with her little brother? and, this is the last time i will see my brother with him shorter than me. (he's 5-6 now! and only 12!)
posted by december at 11:10 AM
4 Comments:
You sound just like Cassie in your dialogue. Quietly reflective and yet slightly rebelious. I trust your visit was filled with love and hope. I am sure everyone was pleased to be with you
http://www.csc.calpoly.edu/~cstaley/csc109/m_2.htm
ha ha ha! thank you so much for including that! yes, that's me on my first day of college.
Ooh, I just noticed the picture, I love it. Nothing like seeing how far you have come and how much you have stayed the same at the same time.
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